Pfosten 12►►~=aWakEn frOm the past=~

The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain and sadness of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well.You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be difficult for you to imagine your life without your partner or boyfriend - your lives have been so intertwined.

You may find yourself asking who you can trust, including your own judgment since you may not have envisioned the break-up. You may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted and believed your partner. You may begin to question how real your commitment was because if it was true how could it be over?

Your ability to trust may feel doubtful and insecure. You probably believed your partner, and expected your relationship to last. You may feel alone and comfortless, even if you're the one who decided to leave.

Well, it really takes time before you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Even though this affinity is over that doesn't mean that you were wrong to trust her/him, and even if you were that doesn't mean that you'll make that mistake again. You can learn from this.

At times of loss, it is very common for feelings, beliefs and memories from the past honestly hurts, traumas, and losses to come up. Not only are you dealing with the present loss, but your past losses as well. No wonder, it hurts so much!

It is indeed important that you try to separate out which of your feelings, beliefs and responses belong to the present situation and which ones belong to the past. This is hard for you to do when you're feeling overwhelmed but it can also help you to feel less overwhelmed. Separating past and present feelings will help you to attach less of your pain to the break-up and can help you to feel more hopeful about getting over this break-up, because maybe you are not as upset about the break-up as you thought. You're still just as upset but it can be helpful for you to be aware that it's not all about the break up, that some is also coming from the past.

When you know that you are triggered (past feelings and issues are coming to the surface) you can find ways to comfort or reassure yourself, or to deal with those issues in other ways. The first step though is to separate the past from the present.